17 October 2007

This is the part of my blog called legal issues

I'd like to address the concern about incrimination that was raised in a critique session for Anything But Spaghetti. Since this blog is a project I have begun for a creative writing class, and so that there is no gray area surrounding my honorable intentions towards my college, I'd like to lay down a disclaimer: Don't steal from the dining hall.

Recently, I was asked by The Collegian to run my blog-entry recipes as articles. You may remember (among other posts) "Couscous on the Loose", a vitriol-filled diatribe against the dining hall which, upon further review, seems to promote stealing from the dining hall. For the integrity of my blog project, I'd like to leave all entries as they stand online. However, if you read The Collegian article you will notice that this:

"The great thing about this recipe is that most of these ingredients can be found (and stolen out of) your standard college salad bar. If your college doesn't have a salad bar, then I am very, very sorry for you. What do you do on nights when absolutely nothing is edible and you've already swiped your card? Which, being the nature of a college, once your card has been swiped there is NO TURNING BACK. No, the computers at a college are completely incapable of undoing a swipe or re-crediting a meal account. I hope that I am not the only one to whom this makes NO LOGICAL SENSE. Anyway.

It makes me feel very ninja to sneak things out of the dining hall once I've already eaten. My college has this other utterly moronic rule of not being allowed to take out any food once you've already begun with the intention of eating in. So say, for instance, the jock next to you suddenly starts puking up his Coke, pizza, fries, and hamburger, and you find this incredibly unappetizing and wish, on second thought, to take your meal with you while you try to get back something resembling an appetite… the dining hall would rather you put your whole tray of steaming, lovely food in the trash than take it home with you to eat later. Apparently this rule is enforced to keep people from eating a whole meal and then also taking out a whole meal. But under its tyranny, all suffer.

Moving back on topic. Which is that sneaking food out of the dining hall has become the game that everyone loves to play. I heard of a girl who once snuck out grapefruits in her pants. Others I know have carried out paper coffee cups of milk, in multiples of six. But the reason why you should be interested in everything I've just said is that with a little planning, and a little cunning, you can use your dining hall's salad bar like a grocery store. In fact, almost everything can be "bought" at this particular grocery store if you remember to bring you backpack (or your pants with super-large pockets)."

has magically morphed into this:

"The great thing about this recipe is that most of these ingredients can be found on your standard college salad bar. Sneaking food out of the dining hall has become the game that everyone loves to play. [Dining Hall folklore speaks] of a student who once snuck out grapefruits in her pants. Students have carried out paper coffee cups of milk in multiples of six. A student recently pilfered a whole tray full of display pineapples.

But being a dining hall ninja needn't mean sneaking a backpack into the dining hall to acquire the ingredients for this meal: with a little planning you can still use your dining hall's salad bar like a grocery store. Once you've swiped your card for a meal, even if a quick search of the offerings show nothing appealing, there is NO TURNING BACK. Meal accounts cannot be re-credited, so you may as well grab a take-out box."

I feel that the second is a clearer statement of what I do and do not advocate. If you get caught literally pilfering from the salad bar or illicitly shoving fried chicken legs into your pockets, don't say that I told you to do it. I am hereby banning all readers of Anything But Spaghetti from doing anything so despicable. (I've been warned that besides the consequence of horrible grease stains on your trousers, you could possibly be called in front of the honor board for such an offense. And so could I.)

Continue to find fault with lackluster WCDS offerings. Continue to experiment with dining hall food. Continue to view the salad bar as an alternative to the Acme or Superfresh produce aisles. Just do the right thing and get a take-out box from the register first.

2 comments:

Luxx said...

As a WAC alumnus I remember well the terrors of the dining hall, and just wanted to respond to the "concern" over the legality of your blog. Honestly, considering that a) meal plans are purchased as a whole in advance and b) they provide materials to remove food from the dining hall, I see nothing negative in your actions.

By removing food from the dining hall you are merely taking a portion of the food you (or your family) has already legally paid for, and consuming it at another place/time. Considering the number of students that are unable to make specified dining times due to class restrictions and other obligations, taking food for a meal you will not be able to return to the dining hall for is not stealing – I myself paid for countless meals I missed over the time I spent at WAC. Perhaps the honor code has evolved since my time at the school, but to suggest that such actions violate the honor code seems a little extreme to me.

AJ Star said...

oh man... if only every single time i went into the dining hall i could have thought of taking a box out of things to cook with later. if only...